Sportin Wales sat down with Welsh professional rugby referee Ben Whitehouse to discuss his career, mental health, and the emotional toll that his profession can bring.

With over a decade of professional refereeing experience, officiating matches in the United Rugby Championship, European Champions Cup, and at international level, he opens up on his experiences over the course of an emotionally demanding career. 

You’ve spoken very candidly about your most difficult experiences. Why do you feel that you need to speak about those things? We so rarely hear from referees about these things.

WHITEHOUSE: It’s bucking the trend, really. I know Nigel [Owens] has done a lot of after dinner speaking and other things. I think it’s important that we just come out and say that it is tough sometimes.

It’s a wonderful job, you travel the world, get to be involved in some of the best rugby matches in the world, but there is a dark side to it as well. These times can be tougher because we don’t have that team environment either.

Sometimes it can feel very lonely, when you’re on the other side of the world and the game has gone badly and you’ve got no one to lean on.

You mentioned the Clermont Auvergne game, do you mind giving us some context about that experience?

WHITEHOUSE: I would describe that as one of the biggest car crashes of my career. Everything that could have gone wrong in that game went wrong.

I talk about it as a pivotal moment in my career. It helped me in the second half of my career in terms of how I wanted to deal tough moments, tough games, and also how I evaluate games.

I talked first of all about the game itself, how badly it went, and then locate where the pressure came from after the game, including coach, players, media, and social media being the biggest.

It was an important moment for me where I realised that I needed to refine what my support network looks like. I need one or two voices that I can trust, who offer me a consistent approach to evaluating my performance.

I’m not listening to the masses, I’m listening to one or two trusted people.

Resilience is a phrase that you use a lot. Your name can be trending on Twitter after a game, it must feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

WHITEHOUSE: Everything we do in sports, whether it’s players, coaches, or referees, everything we do out on the field is played out in front of thousands – potentially millions if it’s an international game.

But then it’s also played out throughout the week after on social media. I’ve adopted the mindset of today’s news is tomorrow’s chip paper. If I am able to move on quickly, I can deal with things easier.

In the context of the history of rugby, social media is a relatively new thing. Referees have been officiating games in front of hostile crowds for a long time, haven’t they?

WHITEHOUSE: That’s right. My dad was an international referee, and he used to tell me how tough it was back then. Even still, the media might put out a newspaper article on a Sunday after a game and then maybe more through the week.

Nowadays, we live that over and over again through social media. As a youngish person, I know what a tool social media can be, but for me I had to take myself off where that pressure and poison is coming from.

We shouldn’t have to get rid of it, but people need to take a long, hard look at themselves when a player drops a ball over the line and then they’re getting death threats. It’s the same with referees. We make a wrong decision, and someone is straight into your comments or messages saying they are going to burn your house down.

There’s a dehumanisation element to social media that is more of a society-wide conversation. How does that play out in the rugby world?

WHITEHOUSE: A player once jokingly said to me that social media allows people to slag someone off without the fear of getting punched in the face. I think that’s where we are with it.

People sit behind a keyboard or phone and say things that they would never say to someone else’s face. I’ve had people come up to me say, ‘I thought you were crap on the weekend,’ but at least I can respond.

Thankfully, it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.

Where does that positivity come from?

WHITEHOUSE: I’m over 10 years into it now and still excited for the start of every season. Just getting that buzz back and getting back into the swing of things still really looking forward to it.

That’s the key.

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